Abah kau???!??

Sebenanrnya tajuk post hari nih, amin yang bagi idea. Saya tukang tulis je sambil dia cube multi tasking dengan main ps3 fifa 12 dan bagi idea apa nak tulis. "abang, apa maksud perkataan n?" "annoying!" Gile takde kaitan dengan perbincangan kitorang. Unless dia yang ingat aku annoying. Ewah -ewah.suke hati je. After 10 mins, he's still unable to provide more ideas to my rant today, other than blabbering on his players for unable to win any more game. Hehehe, tak reti main, salahkan player. Sian player tuh. Oklah, sakit perut. Makan banyak sangat. Sambung esoklah. Or, maybe next time.

Comot

The weekend was spent rummaging and re-arranging all the clothes in the wardrobe again, other that the usual moping-dust busting the whole house, washing clothes..

And, other than the moping-dusting part, the rest of my chores was accompanied by one really curious-amazed look, by Comot. She will always be there with me, no matter what. She always try to position herself near my feet whenever I'm in the kitchen. Looking at the fridge, the sink. 

Either I was washing my clothes, reading, typing on my laptop, you name it... she's always sit nearby. I kind of think of her my little guardian angel (who at this point needed me to be guarding her from jumping off the balcony). Even, when I was praying, she'll always try to sit on the prayer mat as well.

This one tiny feisty creature is adorable and always a dear to my husband. I once asked him "between all four, which one do you love most?" He didn't answer me, but I know that he always do the 'ga.. ga' with Comot all the time. He likes Comot because she's very 'manja' and reminded him of our late Simba. Whenever he opened up the front door, Comot would be running to him, just like Simba (Nope, that didn't happen to me though). 

Last week, we had to cut her nails because she's at that age where she just scratch anything, even our feet and hands. I googled up on the 'how-to' and we both grabbed her while trying to cut her nails. She was making her usual noise when things didn't go her way whenever any of the nail got cut but we didn't budge! :) "Sudah tau laa dia punyer teknik". :)

2011 - In Retrospect (Part 1)

Oklah, dah nak masuk 2012. Surely, mesti everybody akan comment dalam blog/fb masing2 tentang apa yang diorang sume dah capai this year. Have we achieved all of our resolutions (or any of them)?

I can vaguely remember how my 2011 start actually. Mainly because, I was having a diarrhea while everyone else was celebrating the new year with party or fireworks. Mr. Botak stopped by my place that night to bring me tapau dinner/lunch and some panadols to sooth my pain. He had his annual new year bbq at his friend's place and wasn't able to stay with me.

So, what else happen in 2011?
January
I was in South Africa the whole month of January, helping out a friend for a project assignment. I never dream of being there but it was an exciting experience! :)

March
Oh yeah, I definitely have to remember that I did tie the knot to Mr. Botak on 13/3/2011. Alhamdulillah... My late mother was really fond of him and somehow, that feeling was passed on me to a year back when I realized that he is the 'ONE' for me. I know this entry macam very tacky... but, he was the kind of person i visualized to be there for me when I'm 30 (next year), 40, 50, 60 ...even 80. Ameen!

Not having my mom did make me helpless when it comes to wedding preparation. Alhamdulillah, a lot of people have actually help this damsel-in-distress in making this wedding a success. My family esp abah, my siblings, my aunties, uncles, cousins and their children!  They were with me all the way till the reception in Bangi at Mr. Botak's place. Only Allah can repay all their kindness that they had showed me.

May - June
A few days before Labor Day, I found out that I was pregnant. It was an exciting moment for both of us. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, I was miscarried after a few weeks of spotting and bleeding. I had the berpantang period at my mother-in-law's place since I myself have no idea on how exactly I should handle this. Both of us think that, we should always try again and this is just Allah showing that He has other plans for us.

July
Following my miscarriage incident, I decided that I need to focus on something else. While browsing through the internet, I found a house which my dad likes so much (Mesti pelik, is this my house or my dad's?)
Well, my dad was extremely fond with the idea of me buying a house at that time. So, both of us went to property exhibitions and also checking sub sale houses in Bangi/ Bukit Mahkota/ Bandar Seri Putra area. He was a "broker tanah"; hence, he usually look at the size of the land, rather the building itself.
So, we found this house in Bukit Mahkota and he fall in love with it instantly, which took me at least 15 minutes longer. Mr. Botak, of course took a back seat in this case but he didn't mind it at all. For him, as long as we're living somewhere near Bangi is good enough. I searched for lawyer online and decided to go through with her. And a few weeks later, we signed the S&P to become the owner of the sub-sale.

Note:
Of course, every now and then, I would pester Mr. Botak to drive around my soon-to-be house just to catch a glimpse of it. Not that, there was any changes made to to house. As a matter of fact, I always dream of what my bedroom, living room, kitchen, garden would be like and I just want to go there to see whether the size fits my imaginary dream garden or kitchen.

Sept - Nov
I was pregnant (and unfortunately miscarried again). I went back to Terengganu to stay with my dad during the pantang period. Mr. Botak allowed me to go home with my younger brother simply because he understood me. I just want to be alone, where I could find peace. And of course, there's no place like home. It makes me thinking more about my late mom. I even asked my dad how did my mom coped with pantang (not having anyone around.. parents or siblings). He said, she had Tok Minah (my mom's foster mother), who was also a bidan to help her with the pantang. We talked about our family when all my siblings were younger. My dad commented that none of us have any major disease or sickness. Most of the time, my dad didn't know what to do and my mom was the one who took care of us. :)

To be continued...

Miscarriage (chapter 3)

Hari ni (eh semalam, dah kul 3 pagi)

Yes, semalam, my husband whisper to me that he didn't mind doing all the chores; washing clothes, cooking, kemas rumah, because he knew all those hard work could never reach the level of pain that I was in. Yes, he hate seeing me in pain. The same way I can't bear looking at him when he's sick.

To my husband (yes, I know you're reading this)...

Thank you sayang

You won't see me do this in public (Facebook) simply because I condone any love-affection in public. Yes, ini pun public but only my hubby and my few close friends je yang baca. So, hopefully they don't mind :)

And to my close friends, thank you for all your wishes. :)



Miscarriage (chapter 2)

Hari tu saya cakap saya nak buat D&C last Monday. So ape ceritanya?

Monday morning:
We went to Hospital Serdang. Mula - mule pergi OB/GYN terus pastu the lady at receptionist cakap we need to go straight to emergency (sebab dah bleeding). Its not that far but considering I'm bleeding and my MILand FIL ada, kesian juga tengok both of them had to walk.Sampai sana, orang dekat registration tuh asked us to go back to OB/GYN. Tapi, my FIL & MIL cakap yang kitorang dah pergi sana tadi and was asked to go here. Nak tanak, they had to accept us. 10 minutes later, my husband and I was asked to go into the wad dekat belakang  and duduk atas katil. Lepas amek BP, Dr. Shila ni datang and attend saya. She did a scan and also check to see whether my pintu rahim dah buka ker belum. Dia cuba refer to OB/GYN balek tapi sangat - sangat lama nak dapatkan mereka. Lepas sejam setengah, Dr Shila ni came back and asked me whether I wanted to do the D&C atau passed the baby naturally. Either way, akan ambil masa 3 - 4 weeks kalau nak buat di Hospital Serdang ni. So, lepas tu, buat appointment untuk 2 minggu lagi, and balek.

Monday Afternoon.
Lepas balek hospital, FIL saya belanja makan kat kedai mamak yang sedap.Later on, after sending our parents, my husband and I decided to go back home and rest. Sampai je, terus call Az-zahrah untuk schedule D&C next morning. Alhamdulillah, dapat.
Lepas tu masa tengah tidur, rasa macam cramp yang sangat teruk, lagi teruk dari period paid. Encik Botak kasi panadol activefast sebab dia kesian tengok saya sakit sangat. Lepas tu, mula - mula batuk a few times. Setiap kali batuk, rasa macam ade something keluar kat bawah. Cepat - cepat bangun, tengok macam ade blod clot/flesh. Terus panggil my husband. We put it dalam bekas, in case doktor nak tengok. Then, lepas tu baring balek sebab sakit sangat. And then, the same pain occured and I felt like something tarik kat dalam. Sakit sangat - sangat. Everytime pergi toilet, nampak macam flesh keluar. After the forth time, baru laa keluar banyak. And this time, my husband cakap, itu uri baby. Rasa sedih sangat masa tuh :(. Around 5 pm, I felt so much better compared to before. Rasa macam tak sakit dah. Kaki dan tangah pun dah tak bisa- bisa macam the day before. Probably sebab semua dah turun.

Monday Night
We went to Azzahrah and Dr. Suriyanti (cantik tau doctor ni, my husband cakap) scan and tgk kat dalam my rahim to check whether I've passed everything. When she said, its a complete miscarriage, I felt so relieved. I don't want to do the D&C. :( I'm scared actually after listening to what Dr Shila said earlier. But, we still need to see our gynae next morning to double confirm that we're done with this miscarriage processs. I just want it to be done with.

Tuesday Morning.
We returned to Azzahrah and went straight to see our Gynae. Another round of intraveaginal scan was done on me. Semalam, Dr. Suriyanti tuh guna torch light kot nak tengok whether everything is clean. This time, my gynae, Dr. Fazlina guna satu alat yang agak menyakitkan tapi mungkin lebih detailed sebab boleh nampak clearly my rahim. Rupa - rupanya, ade tissue yang tinggal around 12 mm. Dia cakap ini tengah - tengah, tak banyak, tak sikit. Kalau dalam 8 mm, no need for D&C. Kalau 16 mm, dia insist untuk cuci juga. I decided that I want to wait up for another week. Kalau ade lagi next week, then we do the D& C. My husband said this is my choice. Its my body. Dr. Fazlina prescribed me with an antibiotic, takut ade infection.

So now, I'm resting at my in-laws. The last few days, mesti akan sakit, cramp macam period pain. Rasanya lagi sakit dari period pain. Ramai yang cakap, cuci je rahim tuh. The truth is, not only I'm scared of the pain but also the risk of doing it. Scarring especially because its a procedure where the doc/gynae blindly remove that one layer in your uterus. Rasa macam sedih sangat because I don't have my mom with me right now. My mom would have know what to do. I would have follow her advice all along because I trust her. She's my mom and she was a nurse for her whole life. But maybe, she wasn't here right now because if she's here, she might be extremely susah hati dan sedih because of this. Maybe that's why.

Ya Allah, tempatkanlah ibu ku dalam golongan yang diberkati dan dicucuri rahmat-Mu. Ameen.

Visit to hospital

Esok, pagi - pagi saya akan pergi ker Hospital Serdang. Kalau siapa yang baca post saya di sini pasti akan tahu yang saya sebenarnya miscarriage. Selepas beberapa minggu saya dan encik botak ke hulu ke hilir dalam area Bangi ni, buat scan situ sini, akhirnya kami redha dengan ketentuan - Nya. Berat juga rasa di hati bila memikirkan tentang baby yang kami tunggu - tunggu tapi setiap kejadian ini, ada hikmahnya. Hanya Allah yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Maha Mengetahui.

Dalam dua, tiga hari ni,saya dah start google apa pantang- pantang yang perlu saya buat untuk pastikan yang segala - galanya akan pulih sebetulnya. Takut jugak bila ramai yang mengatakan, orang yang ' miscarriage' ni lagi teruk berpantang compared to orang bersalin. :( Dahlaa esok, nak D& C tu pun saya takut. Harap2 dapatlaa D&C tu buat esok. Tanak dah rasanyer tunggu lama - lama lagi. Dah cakap ngan hubby tersayang, kalau lambat sangat buat D& C tuh, saya rasa nak buat je kat Azzahra/Annur (private hospital kat Bangi ni). Mahal jugaklaa.. RM1000+ tapi rasa nak tutup je sebelah mata. Sebelah lagi nak guner nak kira duit yang lebey. Jadi, esok  pagi, kami akan ke Hospital Serdang (dengan FIL and MIL saya :) ). Kalau next appointment lambat sangat, mungkin saya akan call private hospital untuk terus buat procedure ini kat situ je.
Doakan semoga segala - galanya berjalan lancar.Ameen...

Tapi, sebagai persiapan sebab esok nak D& C, malam ni Encik Botak kasi green light order Pizza Hut. Sebab esok dah nak kener start pantang.... :). Baik tak husband saya??

So, ini lah summary hasil google saya untuk
1. Makanan waktu pantang. Ini saya dapat dr sini dan sini

Makanan yang boleh:

• Buah - buahan: Apple merah (bukan yang masam,) Oren Manis,( Limau manis),Kurma , Buah Zaitun, Buah Tin (Fig), Delima , Pir, Lai, Pic, Aprikot, Strawberi, Anggur (jangan berlebihan boleh menyebabkan batuk)
• Minuman: Jus Epal, Blackcurrant  ( Ribena ) buah Peach & sirap. Minuman berkhasiat iaitu Susu, Susu Kacang Soya, Horlicks, Milo & Air Akar Herbanika
• Perasa: Gula Merah, Gula Perang, Raw Sugar dan Madu Lebah
• Sayur - Sayuran: Ulam Pegaga, Lemuni , Daun dan Bunga kunyit , Brokoli, Daun pudina ,  Daun kari, Lobak Merah, Tomato, Asparagus ,Salad, Capsicum, Cili Merah, Bebawang ( merah , putih ,besar) dan Ubi Kentang.
• Nasi/Pasta : Nasi panas sederhana lembut, Bubur Nasi, Spagetti, Pasta dan Makaroni
• Ikan: Ikan Merah, Tenggiri, Haruan, Jenahak, Selar Kuning, Kerisi, Kurau, Kerapu, Siakap, Kod, Bawal Putih dan Senangin
• Makanan Bijirin: Gandum, Oats, Cornflakes Bran, Muesli, Kismi Kuning dan Hitam, Kekacang Soya (Tauhu, Tempe dan Tofu) Kekacang Badan, Walnut, Gajus , Bijan, Roti putih, Roti wholemeal
• Makanan Luar: Roti Canai, Tosei, Roti Puri dan Kari 

Nanti saya akan sambung pula edisi ke 2 entry ni.

Let's talk

Cont' from the earlier post...

So, what have happened?

1. I'm now a wife! Adding that to the existing list of best friend, friend, sister, daughter, auntie responsbilities that I have all this while. Oh wait, I'm also daughter-in-law (DIL) and also sister-in-law (SIL) for my in laws. The family is getting bigger. I love the responsbilities because it also comes with greater affection and attention that I got. I'm more than happy to be around my big families now.
2. I have a husband. Yes, I know it's a redundant statement to Point 1 but I do have to emphasize. The reason is because I do feel that I have a perfect husband for me. 6 years ago, a lot of people around me said that I got the perfect boyfriend just to make me believe it. Now, I don't need others to say that to my face. I know for a fact that this guy is the nicest person who I could have end up living the rest of my life with. He knows me. He loves me. And, he respect me. How would I know that? I'll get to that in Point 3.
3. Not many people aware that I'm pregnant (or I was? ). A month ago, my visit to a clinic confirmed that I'm pregnant trought the UPT. It took us by surprised because my earlier 2 UPT test done on my own shows a (-)ve result. Anyway, we were both happy about it. A week ago, I had spottings/bleeding. Was prescribed dupastone and MC for a couple of days. The doctor even advised me to just rest, no cooking, no travelling.
4. My husband didn't allow me to cook at all. He did all the cooking. He even stopped by during lunch so that he can brought me lunches (so that I don't have to cook at all!!!). He washed all my clothes. :) He will get the washing machine for me later on, so in the mean time, he did all the washing. I literally just sit on the couch/ lie on the bed the whole time. 
5. Another visit to the clinic a few days ago didn't bring any good news at all. There's a possibility that I might have a blighted ovum. I'm beginning to feel redha about it. Mr Botak said

                    "its okay, tade rezeki. Next time aje lah . Kalau ade rezeki, ade tuh. Kuasa Allah"

         I told him

                    " Takper. Allah bersama dengan orang orang yang sabar"

         He smiled and uttered

                    " Itu lah sebab abang kawen dengan sayang"