Miscarriage (chapter 3)

Hari ni (eh semalam, dah kul 3 pagi)

Yes, semalam, my husband whisper to me that he didn't mind doing all the chores; washing clothes, cooking, kemas rumah, because he knew all those hard work could never reach the level of pain that I was in. Yes, he hate seeing me in pain. The same way I can't bear looking at him when he's sick.

To my husband (yes, I know you're reading this)...

Thank you sayang

You won't see me do this in public (Facebook) simply because I condone any love-affection in public. Yes, ini pun public but only my hubby and my few close friends je yang baca. So, hopefully they don't mind :)

And to my close friends, thank you for all your wishes. :)



Miscarriage (chapter 2)

Hari tu saya cakap saya nak buat D&C last Monday. So ape ceritanya?

Monday morning:
We went to Hospital Serdang. Mula - mule pergi OB/GYN terus pastu the lady at receptionist cakap we need to go straight to emergency (sebab dah bleeding). Its not that far but considering I'm bleeding and my MILand FIL ada, kesian juga tengok both of them had to walk.Sampai sana, orang dekat registration tuh asked us to go back to OB/GYN. Tapi, my FIL & MIL cakap yang kitorang dah pergi sana tadi and was asked to go here. Nak tanak, they had to accept us. 10 minutes later, my husband and I was asked to go into the wad dekat belakang  and duduk atas katil. Lepas amek BP, Dr. Shila ni datang and attend saya. She did a scan and also check to see whether my pintu rahim dah buka ker belum. Dia cuba refer to OB/GYN balek tapi sangat - sangat lama nak dapatkan mereka. Lepas sejam setengah, Dr Shila ni came back and asked me whether I wanted to do the D&C atau passed the baby naturally. Either way, akan ambil masa 3 - 4 weeks kalau nak buat di Hospital Serdang ni. So, lepas tu, buat appointment untuk 2 minggu lagi, and balek.

Monday Afternoon.
Lepas balek hospital, FIL saya belanja makan kat kedai mamak yang sedap.Later on, after sending our parents, my husband and I decided to go back home and rest. Sampai je, terus call Az-zahrah untuk schedule D&C next morning. Alhamdulillah, dapat.
Lepas tu masa tengah tidur, rasa macam cramp yang sangat teruk, lagi teruk dari period paid. Encik Botak kasi panadol activefast sebab dia kesian tengok saya sakit sangat. Lepas tu, mula - mula batuk a few times. Setiap kali batuk, rasa macam ade something keluar kat bawah. Cepat - cepat bangun, tengok macam ade blod clot/flesh. Terus panggil my husband. We put it dalam bekas, in case doktor nak tengok. Then, lepas tu baring balek sebab sakit sangat. And then, the same pain occured and I felt like something tarik kat dalam. Sakit sangat - sangat. Everytime pergi toilet, nampak macam flesh keluar. After the forth time, baru laa keluar banyak. And this time, my husband cakap, itu uri baby. Rasa sedih sangat masa tuh :(. Around 5 pm, I felt so much better compared to before. Rasa macam tak sakit dah. Kaki dan tangah pun dah tak bisa- bisa macam the day before. Probably sebab semua dah turun.

Monday Night
We went to Azzahrah and Dr. Suriyanti (cantik tau doctor ni, my husband cakap) scan and tgk kat dalam my rahim to check whether I've passed everything. When she said, its a complete miscarriage, I felt so relieved. I don't want to do the D&C. :( I'm scared actually after listening to what Dr Shila said earlier. But, we still need to see our gynae next morning to double confirm that we're done with this miscarriage processs. I just want it to be done with.

Tuesday Morning.
We returned to Azzahrah and went straight to see our Gynae. Another round of intraveaginal scan was done on me. Semalam, Dr. Suriyanti tuh guna torch light kot nak tengok whether everything is clean. This time, my gynae, Dr. Fazlina guna satu alat yang agak menyakitkan tapi mungkin lebih detailed sebab boleh nampak clearly my rahim. Rupa - rupanya, ade tissue yang tinggal around 12 mm. Dia cakap ini tengah - tengah, tak banyak, tak sikit. Kalau dalam 8 mm, no need for D&C. Kalau 16 mm, dia insist untuk cuci juga. I decided that I want to wait up for another week. Kalau ade lagi next week, then we do the D& C. My husband said this is my choice. Its my body. Dr. Fazlina prescribed me with an antibiotic, takut ade infection.

So now, I'm resting at my in-laws. The last few days, mesti akan sakit, cramp macam period pain. Rasanya lagi sakit dari period pain. Ramai yang cakap, cuci je rahim tuh. The truth is, not only I'm scared of the pain but also the risk of doing it. Scarring especially because its a procedure where the doc/gynae blindly remove that one layer in your uterus. Rasa macam sedih sangat because I don't have my mom with me right now. My mom would have know what to do. I would have follow her advice all along because I trust her. She's my mom and she was a nurse for her whole life. But maybe, she wasn't here right now because if she's here, she might be extremely susah hati dan sedih because of this. Maybe that's why.

Ya Allah, tempatkanlah ibu ku dalam golongan yang diberkati dan dicucuri rahmat-Mu. Ameen.

Visit to hospital

Esok, pagi - pagi saya akan pergi ker Hospital Serdang. Kalau siapa yang baca post saya di sini pasti akan tahu yang saya sebenarnya miscarriage. Selepas beberapa minggu saya dan encik botak ke hulu ke hilir dalam area Bangi ni, buat scan situ sini, akhirnya kami redha dengan ketentuan - Nya. Berat juga rasa di hati bila memikirkan tentang baby yang kami tunggu - tunggu tapi setiap kejadian ini, ada hikmahnya. Hanya Allah yang Maha Berkuasa lagi Maha Mengetahui.

Dalam dua, tiga hari ni,saya dah start google apa pantang- pantang yang perlu saya buat untuk pastikan yang segala - galanya akan pulih sebetulnya. Takut jugak bila ramai yang mengatakan, orang yang ' miscarriage' ni lagi teruk berpantang compared to orang bersalin. :( Dahlaa esok, nak D& C tu pun saya takut. Harap2 dapatlaa D&C tu buat esok. Tanak dah rasanyer tunggu lama - lama lagi. Dah cakap ngan hubby tersayang, kalau lambat sangat buat D& C tuh, saya rasa nak buat je kat Azzahra/Annur (private hospital kat Bangi ni). Mahal jugaklaa.. RM1000+ tapi rasa nak tutup je sebelah mata. Sebelah lagi nak guner nak kira duit yang lebey. Jadi, esok  pagi, kami akan ke Hospital Serdang (dengan FIL and MIL saya :) ). Kalau next appointment lambat sangat, mungkin saya akan call private hospital untuk terus buat procedure ini kat situ je.
Doakan semoga segala - galanya berjalan lancar.Ameen...

Tapi, sebagai persiapan sebab esok nak D& C, malam ni Encik Botak kasi green light order Pizza Hut. Sebab esok dah nak kener start pantang.... :). Baik tak husband saya??

So, ini lah summary hasil google saya untuk
1. Makanan waktu pantang. Ini saya dapat dr sini dan sini

Makanan yang boleh:

• Buah - buahan: Apple merah (bukan yang masam,) Oren Manis,( Limau manis),Kurma , Buah Zaitun, Buah Tin (Fig), Delima , Pir, Lai, Pic, Aprikot, Strawberi, Anggur (jangan berlebihan boleh menyebabkan batuk)
• Minuman: Jus Epal, Blackcurrant  ( Ribena ) buah Peach & sirap. Minuman berkhasiat iaitu Susu, Susu Kacang Soya, Horlicks, Milo & Air Akar Herbanika
• Perasa: Gula Merah, Gula Perang, Raw Sugar dan Madu Lebah
• Sayur - Sayuran: Ulam Pegaga, Lemuni , Daun dan Bunga kunyit , Brokoli, Daun pudina ,  Daun kari, Lobak Merah, Tomato, Asparagus ,Salad, Capsicum, Cili Merah, Bebawang ( merah , putih ,besar) dan Ubi Kentang.
• Nasi/Pasta : Nasi panas sederhana lembut, Bubur Nasi, Spagetti, Pasta dan Makaroni
• Ikan: Ikan Merah, Tenggiri, Haruan, Jenahak, Selar Kuning, Kerisi, Kurau, Kerapu, Siakap, Kod, Bawal Putih dan Senangin
• Makanan Bijirin: Gandum, Oats, Cornflakes Bran, Muesli, Kismi Kuning dan Hitam, Kekacang Soya (Tauhu, Tempe dan Tofu) Kekacang Badan, Walnut, Gajus , Bijan, Roti putih, Roti wholemeal
• Makanan Luar: Roti Canai, Tosei, Roti Puri dan Kari 

Nanti saya akan sambung pula edisi ke 2 entry ni.

Let's talk

Cont' from the earlier post...

So, what have happened?

1. I'm now a wife! Adding that to the existing list of best friend, friend, sister, daughter, auntie responsbilities that I have all this while. Oh wait, I'm also daughter-in-law (DIL) and also sister-in-law (SIL) for my in laws. The family is getting bigger. I love the responsbilities because it also comes with greater affection and attention that I got. I'm more than happy to be around my big families now.
2. I have a husband. Yes, I know it's a redundant statement to Point 1 but I do have to emphasize. The reason is because I do feel that I have a perfect husband for me. 6 years ago, a lot of people around me said that I got the perfect boyfriend just to make me believe it. Now, I don't need others to say that to my face. I know for a fact that this guy is the nicest person who I could have end up living the rest of my life with. He knows me. He loves me. And, he respect me. How would I know that? I'll get to that in Point 3.
3. Not many people aware that I'm pregnant (or I was? ). A month ago, my visit to a clinic confirmed that I'm pregnant trought the UPT. It took us by surprised because my earlier 2 UPT test done on my own shows a (-)ve result. Anyway, we were both happy about it. A week ago, I had spottings/bleeding. Was prescribed dupastone and MC for a couple of days. The doctor even advised me to just rest, no cooking, no travelling.
4. My husband didn't allow me to cook at all. He did all the cooking. He even stopped by during lunch so that he can brought me lunches (so that I don't have to cook at all!!!). He washed all my clothes. :) He will get the washing machine for me later on, so in the mean time, he did all the washing. I literally just sit on the couch/ lie on the bed the whole time. 
5. Another visit to the clinic a few days ago didn't bring any good news at all. There's a possibility that I might have a blighted ovum. I'm beginning to feel redha about it. Mr Botak said

                    "its okay, tade rezeki. Next time aje lah . Kalau ade rezeki, ade tuh. Kuasa Allah"

         I told him

                    " Takper. Allah bersama dengan orang orang yang sabar"

         He smiled and uttered

                    " Itu lah sebab abang kawen dengan sayang"

Catching up!!!

Tons of catching up. I know. Blame it all on the craziness of planning a wedding, moving (my hubby moving to my apartment), and trying to settle down. Mix all these and you end up not realizing that its almost 3 months since I became a wife.